Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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