Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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