ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Green mimosas i think yes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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