ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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