I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
