I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
