My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pants are for mortals
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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