I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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