Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
