Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
