just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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