I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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