I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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