dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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