Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
