piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
