As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's great music for shaving your balls
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
