I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
