Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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