You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
