I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
