My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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