I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
