i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
