I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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