I haven't been this sober since birth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
