Me. At least after what I've been through.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
