i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
