I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I supernannyed him into submission
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
