what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
