she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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