i think my tv is drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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