ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
