I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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