Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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