I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
