my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
