This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
