I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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