I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
