She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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