i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
