Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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