We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
