the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I could fuck to npr.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
