Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
