That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
