i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
