she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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