i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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