I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
