Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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