dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
