she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
