She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
