So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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