I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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